I grew up in a broken family, and because of that I have always felt angry inside. I thought that I have the right to channel all my hate and frustration on others. I became a bully in HS to the point I got suspended by pointing a empty gun to my classmate. I started getting into vices like drinking and smoking at the age of 14. I also entered into a series of relationships trying to find security and self-worth in them.
In one of my relationships back in college, my girlfriend back then invited me to CCF, but I went for the wrong reasons. I went just to please her and eventually I became a Sunday worshipper for 6 years. I’ve heard the Gospel many times but it didn’t really mean anything to me. My lifestyle was still the same; my relationship with my girlfriend was my idol and my life revolved around it.
But then, my life took a downward spiral. My girlfriend of 8 years left me. Also, my childhood best friend who I always talk to and find comfort from got shot dead in a bar. Add this to my already broken family – I found myself sinking further into drugs with no direction in life. I felt angry, betrayed, abandoned, and worse hated God. I questioned and cursed God for all that was happening to me and I blamed everything on Him. I got into more vices, stayed in bars, getting into fights trying to project my anger and water down the pain I felt inside.
With all the emptiness and the pain, I found no purpose I my life. I decided to end my life but during that time when I hit rock bottom, I prayed a short prayer, “God please help me, I’m sorry.” That was when God started working in my life and gave me the hunger to attend Bible studies. I started with the Singles Bible studies and attended a Singles retreat. I went on my own; I didn’t know anyone when I joined. I was thinking ano tong pinasok ko. I’m too cool for this. But, the Lord softened my heart through the messages and the kindness of the people around me. It is in a retreat such as this one where I genuinely accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and surrendered my life to Him.
After the retreat, God led me to attend and finish Global Leadership Class levels 1 to 4 that really contributed to my spiritual growth. I was also given the opportunity to serve and lead the Marketing Team of the B1G South Singles Ministry. Until now, I feel inadequate and unqualified, but the Lord reminds me that He does not call the qualified but He qualifies the called. I have had the privilege also to speak in some the Singles services. God blessed me with new friends – great friends that helped me grow more in the Lord. He has also blessed me with committed men to disciple and mentor, as I am also disciple and mentored in a dgroup God did not stop there, by His grace He entrusted me one of His beautiful daughter to love, lead & protect, and is now my fiancee (View Proposal Video)
Looking back never did I imagine this will all happen, never did I imagine doing all these things for the Lord and sharing God’s faithfulness in my life to you guys, not in my wildest dream. Indeed, God does things far more than we can imagine if we just trust and surrender to Him. It did not all happen in one day; Change did not come in an instant. But, I am just grateful for how God has slowly transformed me to be used by Him and to live for Him through His love and grace.
When I was rebelling against Him before, He never gave up on me. when people told me before i’m hopeless God said I’m your hope. When people said KC you can’t change, God said you are a new creation in me ( 2 Cor 5:17). When people said I’ve messed up! I’ve done a lot of bad things, God can’t accept me anymore, God said Totally! but my son paid for that! you’ve been redeemed, forgiven and accepted (Col 2:9-10) not because of what you do but because of what I have done for you. You’ve been bought with a price… the blood of my Son (1Cor 6:19-20) When the world condems me, God said I don’t. There’s no condemnation in you for those who are in me (Rom 8:31-34) When the world say’s i’m weak so i should give up, My God says My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.( 2cor 12:9) and I will never ever give up on you… and indeed He did not!
And today I can with certainty say that I have never felt more peaceful, joyful and contented in my life, that His grace is sufficient and is more than enough.
There are still times that I hang out with my friends and there’s alcohol and cigarettes everywhere but by God’s grace He took my desire and appetite for these things away. To this date, I haven’t touched either for more than 5 years.
In truth, I am a man who deserves nothing else but eternal damnation, a man who is full of wickedness and a heart filled with filth. A man who once lived for his own pleasure but now I live and serve at Jesus’ pleasure. A man saved by grace, a man justified and redeemed. However, all these things I can’t boast about, because I know I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve even an ounce of His glory and grace. That’s why, I only boast on the glory of the cross and the name of Jesus Christ by which I am saved. To God be the Glory!